I hope I haven’t lost the fire in my belly.

Boris (London Mayor) flounts Rule #2, Cyclist flounts rule #1, A Lollipop Man helps people accross the road, a STOP sign.

 

Dear Cyclists, especially of the London Metropolitan area, 

(Now, before you get your knickers in a knot, this might not apply to all of you so read it first and then decide if you want to moan at me.)

Once upon a time, a long time ago, Shadyticker took a driving test and passed. Well done Shadyticker! What Shadyticker had to do, apart from drive a vehicle safely and correctly, was learn all about road sense and the Highway Code.

Here are a few things that Shadyticker learnt: 

1. A red light at the traffic lights means STOP!
2. You stop at a zebra crossing when a pedestrian is trying to cross the road.
3. A ‘Give Way’ sign means you give way to oncoming traffic and you never, ever just shoot out into the road in your vehicle.
4. Lollipop Men and Lollipop Ladies, when they are in the middle of the road with their lollipop stick which says STOP in big fuck off letters, are asking you to stop your vehicle.
5. Pavements are for pedestrians. Pedestrian means someone on foot, not on wheels (unless in a pushchair or a wheel chair. These folks are pedestrians too).†
6. When my mother is crossing the road at a zebra crossing and is sure that there is no traffic, please do not drive into her leg with such a force that it is still painful and marked after 15 years.

 

Well bugger me backwards!

There I was, along with a quite a few (including the Mayor) London cyclists thinking that they were ‘pedestrians-on-a-bike’. You see, dear friends, some of our cyclists ignore points 1-6 above. Especially some wanker in Bournemouth who 15 years ago never even stopped to see if my Mum was OK after ramming his front wheel into her leg at breakneck speed when she was at a zebra crossing (ref: point #2 et point #6). My mum is lovely and if you knew her you’d be as upset as me. (She really is lovely).

You live and learn eh?

Tune in next week for a course on ‘How To Educate A Non-Conforming Cyclist To Points 1-6 Of Shadyticker’s Highway Code Learning Points By Clever Use Of A Walking Stick Rammed In The Spokes Of Their Wheels.’

 

†Speeding mobility scooters through high streets will be saved for another post.

* Toastedbun was the inspiration for this blog. Check @Toastedbun out and follow her at http://www.twitter.com/toastedbun

Click to read it.

There was a story today on Sky News’ website about a pub called the Half Moon that was under threat of being closed down. This pub has hosted many huge bands in its time. For years, I thought that this was the Half Moon in Herne Hill. The article said it was in Putney. I posted a remark saying I thought Sky had got it wrong – the pub was in Herne Hill.

Somebody posted this:

 ”Shadyticker I think you will find there are two half moon pubs. The one they are talking is in Putney. The place you are talking about is in Herne Hill but is a Gastro Pub which is the last thing the Half Moon in Putney want to become. You need to check your facts.” – Lloytron

 ”You need to check your facts.”

That’s like some fuckwit driver honking their horn at a learner driver isn’t it? All full of righteousness. I know better than you-ness. What a condescending thing to say. But someone was nicer:

“I think you’re thinking of another pub, Shadyticker – The Half Moon in Putney is a legendary music venue. Great news that it’s staying open, I’ve been lucky enough to see some fantastic bands there over the years.” – Polly

Polly is lovely. She corrected my mistake in a kind way. It was nice. I like her for that. She wasn’t looking to be knowledgable or ‘the right one’, she just put me right. I like her.

People these days are quick to criticise. Its a shame. Unnecessary really. When did we become so impatient? When did a harmless comment about the location of a pub become so important to state ‘check your facts’ and meaning ‘you’re a fuckwit’.

Lloytron, mate, ‘check your facts’ ought to be reserved for Tony Blair before any dossiers were released to affirm the invasion of Iraq on the basis that they had weapons of mass destruction. Not reserved for whether a pub is in Putney or Herne Hill.

We have just seen terrible destruction following an earthquake in Haiti. The aftershocks have been frequent and strong. Perhaps if Lloytron got angry about that, maybe if s/he did something positive to help rather than have a go at a mistake about a pub.

Yes, yes, yes. I know, I made a comment about something relatively irrelevant. Perhaps I am now, but  anger, placed in stupid places… Why not place your energy somewhere useful?

Shady.
—————
I don’t know how to help the people in Haiti. Maybe sending cash helps? I don’t know. I support these guys: Médecins Sans Frontières http://www.msf.org.uk/
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I think this is an amazing picture. If you didn’t already know, Britain has gone Arctic this winter.

If you tune into a TV news channel, all you’ll find is reports of doom and gloom, treacherous icy conditions, bitter cold. It’s all negative, negative, negative. I’m no hardened fool, I understand that it’s difficult for the elderly to get out. Some people can’t afford to heat their homes and some people will be freezing to death. I feel for the homeless at times like this, where the hell do they go and sleep? Good grief. That is terrible. If we know of someone in trouble, we must step up and help. And in times like this, Britain changes and we all get that old ‘blitz spirit’ back where we come together as a community, a bit like after the tube bombings.

Personally, I’m enjoying seeing people going out and having fun. I live in an inner city, where no-one really talks to anyone else, but two days ago, I had a brilliant snowball fight with my neighbours whom I have never met. We laughed ’till we cried. We’re looking out for our elderly neighbours and there is plenty of hot cups of tea passed around to stranded drivers skiing down our snow deep hill in their cars.

Last February, the news channels were reporting doom and gloom in the form of a recession. Every day we were told by newscasters that we were all going to lose our jobs, possibly lose our homes and all our savings in what was going to be a great depression. It made for depressing news. It depressed the people.

Then the snow came and no-one went to work. Instead, they took a couple of days off from the jobs they had been told they were probably going to lose anyway and went and played with their kids in snow filled parks.

Oh did the newscasters change their tune when they realised the majority of people weren’t going to work! The economy was being hit by a national knee-jerk reaction of ‘Bugger You Then!’ All of a sudden news reports lightened up and started to comment how much fun people were having. The broadcasting doom and gloom was lifted for a while. And it was nice, even if it didn’t last long.

Prince William spends the night sleeping rough for his (and his mum’s) charity Centrepoint. (Why not donate from your warm homes. Do it HERE.)

It’s fucking cold in London right now.
So.
You’re a better man than I Bill.
(This time).