Share this:

Boris (London Mayor) flounts Rule #2, Cyclist flounts rule #1, A Lollipop Man helps people accross the road, a STOP sign.

 

Dear Cyclists, especially of the London Metropolitan area, 

(Now, before you get your knickers in a knot, this might not apply to all of you so read it first and then decide if you want to moan at me.)

Once upon a time, a long time ago, Shadyticker took a driving test and passed. Well done Shadyticker! What Shadyticker had to do, apart from drive a vehicle safely and correctly, was learn all about road sense and the Highway Code.

Here are a few things that Shadyticker learnt: 

1. A red light at the traffic lights means STOP!
2. You stop at a zebra crossing when a pedestrian is trying to cross the road.
3. A ‘Give Way’ sign means you give way to oncoming traffic and you never, ever just shoot out into the road in your vehicle.
4. Lollipop Men and Lollipop Ladies, when they are in the middle of the road with their lollipop stick which says STOP in big fuck off letters, are asking you to stop your vehicle.
5. Pavements are for pedestrians. Pedestrian means someone on foot, not on wheels (unless in a pushchair or a wheel chair. These folks are pedestrians too).†
6. When my mother is crossing the road at a zebra crossing and is sure that there is no traffic, please do not drive into her leg with such a force that it is still painful and marked after 15 years.

 

Well bugger me backwards!

There I was, along with a quite a few (including the Mayor) London cyclists thinking that they were ‘pedestrians-on-a-bike’. You see, dear friends, some of our cyclists ignore points 1-6 above. Especially some wanker in Bournemouth who 15 years ago never even stopped to see if my Mum was OK after ramming his front wheel into her leg at breakneck speed when she was at a zebra crossing (ref: point #2 et point #6). My mum is lovely and if you knew her you’d be as upset as me. (She really is lovely).

You live and learn eh?

Tune in next week for a course on ‘How To Educate A Non-Conforming Cyclist To Points 1-6 Of Shadyticker’s Highway Code Learning Points By Clever Use Of A Walking Stick Rammed In The Spokes Of Their Wheels.’

 

†Speeding mobility scooters through high streets will be saved for another post.

* Toastedbun was the inspiration for this blog. Check @Toastedbun out and follow her at http://www.twitter.com/toastedbun

Advertisement